Wednesday, 25 May 2011
What the hell am I doing?????
I am torturing myself, and I should be ashamed of myself. FB should be banned from my life, its just allowing me to be slapped in the face over and over. You use it to talk to me about stuff that 2 ppl who are in relationships (different relationships) shouldn't be talking about. You shouldn't be sending me messages to meet up. I have no intention of sleeping with you. Its already gone way further than it should have. Far out, I wish I could just say no to you. But you're a light in my day, I love the way you make me feel. I smile at the thought of you. But it tears my heart out that we can't be together. If only we'd acted on it years ago....who knows what might have been.
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Ok so we met up, there was some heavy petting, we said to each other that it has to stop. This weekend I have only heard from him via messages about the footy. On the way home from seeing him on friday he sent me a text saying I really mean it, its got to stop. This is the first time its gone further than kissing. He was really forceful about it, and I feel used, I feel like an idiot, I feel hurt. I know its not right, but my heart is hurting. I wish that our lives were in different directions, but its not and I knwo he's right, and I guess he's being blunt because we need to make the break....but fuck it hurts.
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